Lamest Mother Ever

So, I blew it. Luckily I have a very understanding, loving daughter with a big heart. In Salem the schools do a drug prevention program with the 5th graders called DARE. They have a "graduation" hoopla, where the winners of a DARE essay contest are announced. Kendall is a really good writer and her teacher told her she was one of the top three in the class and that she should practice reading her essay. (*clue)

I put the graduation on the calendar, and I told her that morning I would be there with my camera, and (you know what is coming) I completely spaced it. Completely! Not one trickle of an iota of memory entered my universe that afternoon as I was running various errands.

When she walked in the door after school, I saw her carrying a giant Lion with a DARE T-shirt on, and around her neck was a medal. Yeah. She won the essay contest. I wasn't there. Augggggggh!!! I felt like the slug slime on the bottom of a work boot.

I could tell she was disappointed, but she was so gracious to me. What a sweetie. So I grabbed her and took many pictures of "Darren" and Kendall and the medal. Here they are. Tell her good job if you see her, especially since her lame mom missed the ceremony.

I'll Always have my Boys (even when they're men)

Just now I was stewing over a game of online Scrabble against my brother Ben (who always annihilates everyone, so I don't know why I even try), when my 19 1/2 year old man-child yells from the family room to his younger man-child brother in the bedroom: (say it out loud very quickly to achieve the proper effect)

You have to give the cricket jam to Frogfucious and he'll give you 10 froggy points.

Of course this completely fractured my Scrabble concentration skills, as I haven't heard him utter a phrase like that since the glory days of Pokemon and Bionicals. I started laughing and asked him to repeat it, which he happily did, and I still couldn't understand him. Finally, I made him say it very slowly so I could record it for your enjoyment. Do I undertsand it? No. But at least I see now that the phrase is made out of actual words (mostly).

Jen the Guest Blogger Attacks!

[Sad attempt at a triple self-portrait, I'm truly enjoying the cutting off of my nostril in this picture. Becky looks lovely though and that is what matters!]

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Hello faithful readers of Huh! and other profound reactions to life!,  this is Jennie doing a guest spot and I am here to rescue my big sistah's blog from dying a slow and painful death. If she feels unable to carry on, I am here to see her through the dark days of her digi-death and give her hope of rebirth! (I enjoyed that alliterative phrase -- "dark days of digi-death", I'll have to quote myself somewhere.) heh heh JK

My sister and her family made their somewhat annual trip to visit us over spring break and I have pictures to prove it! Since I have been given carte blanche to post on my sister's blog, I guess she will have to enjoy what I post and not complain about the quality of the pictures. 

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Here are the girls hanging out at the park, doing their best to thwart my art shots.

The one on the right is my daughter, Hannah.

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Now for toe-bonding. We did pedicures in my bathtub. Our toes were trés cute!

My seven year-old Curtis was offended that we didn't let him stay and paint his toes.

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Kendall was a fishing machine! We took her to the lake by our house and she worked that pole like a pro. Now I can't remember if she caught one...

I guess it doesn't matter because she's obviously having a blast!

Colin adopted my 4 year-old's Lightning McQueen fishing pole. He spent many devoted minutes trying to hit the ducks with the practice "wheel" on the end of the line.

Much cousin bonding occurred...here with cousin Zach who's Colin's age.

And here with my youngest, Gideon. 

Colin arrived a day later than Becky and Kendall. It was, unfortunately the day Gid got sick with the stomach flu. When Kendall arrived Gid was happy and followed her around yelling, "Dadoo, Dadoo!" (her name in Gideonese). But he felt too yucky when Colin came, so he only wanted his mom. He cranked at Colin for several days, but Colin worked it until he got Gid to give him a kiss and call him "Dude".

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We were nice enough to arrange for a scorpion to hang out in the bathtub so the Clawsons could experience some real Arizona wildlife. We are nothing if not thoughtful in this house.

The last few days of the trip were a huge bummer. Sunday night I spent the night in the bathroom with vomiting and diarrhea. When morning came, I heard Ren in the hall telling Becky about it and I heard her say, "Me and Kendall too." Dang! I spent all day in bed until I finally got the strength to hobble to Becky's room so I could at least bond with her in sickness. We laid in bed together and ordered gingerale and saltines. The kids told us that Gid was aware of what was going on and put together one of his first sentences. They'd ask him, "Gid, where's mommy?" and he'd reply, "Mommy a sleepin' a barfin'." Then they'd say, "Where's Kendall?" his sad reply, "A Dadoo a sleepin' a barfin'." Same for Becky. He walked the house telling one and all who was "a sleepin' and a barfin'". Good job Gid.

The next day Becky and I felt well enough to lay out in the sun and eat our saltines and drink our gingerale. Note: you can get a lovely sunburn even if you are recovering from the stomach flu! Stu got the nasty crud that afternoon along with several other of my children. Colin, not to be a conformist, got a high fever and sore throat the day before they were supposed to leave. Lovely.

Then when they left, there were weather issues and Colin didn't get on his plane and had to spend the night with us and catch one in the morning. Becky, Stu and Kendall were on a different flight (they were using frequent flyer miles for Colin on another airline) and their plane out of San Fransisco got cancelled. They ended up driving home from SF! I don't remember all of the details now, but it was quite the adventure.

Well, Becky, I guess I'll sign out for now. You can correct any misrepresentation in a follow-up post! Now I'll have to copy this whole post into my blog to give a report of my own. Good night everyone. This is Jen, the guest blogger, signing out.